Monday 3 December 2012

What's Playing? Cold Rainy December Night Edition.

Hello readers,

Today on the blog, I'm going to take a bit of a left turn with What's Playing? and make this a compiled list of songs I've always thought spelled "WINTER" to me whenever I listen to them. Gather around, you just might pick up a few more favourites. Dim the lights, get comfy, and listen!

First up is Nadja's "Long Dark Twenties." I love the pace of this band in general, first of all. I love to curl up and listen to this track during the evenings with the all the lights off but my computer screen. It is a relaxing feeling for me. Perhaps it will be the same way for you.


Here's the Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XUsyVfqMs8

Next up is Type O Negative's "Green Man". This artist is another favourite of mine, and it's unfortunate that Pete Steele died. This band helps me deal with some stuff and  I have fond memories of curling up in my dorm room after studies listening to this song as well as the album it comes from in general.

Here's the Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASLc9XVluAE


3rd up is "A Looming Resonance" by Wolves In The Throne Room. I love this song because it to me captures Pacific Northwest rainy winters of cold and dampness to the letter. I really feel as though I am walking through a forest during a blustery and rainy day, with the wind howling like wolves. I just love how everything comes together in this song. I sense the desolation in the female vocalist's voice and the constant charge of the music behind her. This is a tempest of a song. I don't listen to much metal anymore; but this is one of my remaining favourites from my "metal days".  I love the double-pedal in this; it is again as if you were to turn the rainiest, wettest winters of the Pacific Northwest and put it into a drum-beat. Seriously.

Here's the Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvnCLkeHtL8


Finally, I leave you with "Plainsong" by The Cure (another favourite of mine). I love how majestic this track is. I first heard it from the Marie Antoinette movie. I'll provide a link to the scene where that's featured down after I finish my little paragraph. I love the raw emotions I feel whenever I listen to this track, particularly at night.

 Here's the Link To the Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbm5gIhcMjs

Here's the Link To the Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZoYzne9Tpg

Sunday 2 December 2012

Of Glass Ceilings and of the Concrete.


I have myself an interesting situation. I have a “glass ceiling” situation when it comes to the social aspect of being disabled in our greater society, and concrete ceiling in the case of all physicality. This is a quite a cocktail when I add the candy syrup or finely-brewed coffee called “goth” into the mix, which functions as a theoretical “voluntary” glass ceiling when it comes to both social and physical aspects of my life. I consider my choice of lifestyle and everything about it to be a “candy syrup” or “finely-brewed coffee” over say describing it as more resembling a few shots of hard liquor or even illegal drugs because for me, being a “goth” is a sweet thing and while candy or coffee by itself could be considered unhealthy in some circumstances, I am emphasizing the positives it gives me over the negatives (which would be more perceived by society or onlookers).

I am fully aware of the fact and of the corresponding reality that my disability will most likely never be cured (or at least not in my lifetime). However, as I have been discovering over the past few weeks I know now I’m more capable than I originally thought of a few months back. Yet, it is a concrete ceiling nonetheless.  I know I’m never going to be able to become an Olympic athlete; I know that my body will always be physically weaker than most men; but these things do not bother me nor do I dwell on them.

I will compare this *real* concrete ceiling with both my “voluntary” glass ceiling regarding my choice of lifestyle as well as address the more social aspect of being a “disabled person” in 21st century society. The true “glass ceiling” I encounter or face is the social stigmas regarding being disabled; my choice of dress and lifestyle are freely chosen by me – yet, they also reflect what I honestly believe is a real portrayal as well as response to the challenges I have before me in this life.  


Over the past few weeks, I have learned to let go more and more of the pain of the past and allowed myself to assail the various blockages or mental hurdles that prevented me from fully achieving my dreams. I may have only been doing so for a few weeks now (actually more like 2ish months total), however I am starting to see “cracks in the matrix” or the “curtain being drawn back” even if only slightly.

Life is created and altered by your perception. You are the sum of all your decisions and thoughts. For years, I did not believe this, or at least not as fully. Now I do.

~ Nyghtshroude.

Thursday 29 November 2012

The Coal Miner and the Lawyer.


How I believe you can truly test a man or a woman’s ability to succeed in this life is to strip them of everything but the clothes on their back and a very entry-level amount of money in their pocket and transport them to an unfamiliar area and tell them to “Prosper.”  The man or the woman cannot use any existing contacts to help boost their success in this experiment.  For some people, starting “over” in an unfamiliar city or town (as this experiment does not necessary presuppose the man or woman is going to be attempting any of this in a big area like Vancouver, BC) is positively frightening; especially in my view, if that man or woman was used to a life of relatively easy access to social contacts and great networking in the past. To start from scratch for some people is more difficult in this manner because they have inadvertently relied on good upbringing, stellar schools and basic social proofs to glide through life over a man or a woman who has been on the “outside” for most of his or her life and has little to no prospects or contacts to help him or her succeed. 

 To further illustrate my point, I would like the reader to imagine two men.  Imagine one man who spent thirty years down some coal mine and another man who has had a life of prestige and affluence as an attorney for the same amount of years.  Both have worked hard for their bread, but the difference is the coal miner daily life is more dangerous and uncertain than the guy working the cushy and overall more pleasant job as an attorney.  The coal miner grew up in a town with a population of about three-hundred people in a fairly rural area. His family was fairly poor, and he himself went through a bit of bullying or teasing growing up. This rural area does not have a “progressive” mindset in its population, nor does the slightly bigger place that the coal miner eventually makes his way to after meeting his wife and starting his thirty years of work at the coal mine in an area where the maximum population at any given time is seventeen-hundred people are currently living there. This point will have relevance later when I bring up the coal miner’s son. The coal miner isn’t the most open-minded or tolerant person he could be; and he doesn’t really have aspiration towards it either because most of his coworkers and family friends are all generally cut from the same cloth.  This segues into my question to the reader, If you do not need to do something, be it in the immediate future or not at all, at what point do you close yourself off and let that part of you that you require to accomplish whatever it is atrophy on the assumption that you do not require it?  The coal miner’s son from an early age is flamboyantly gay, and has many interests that on some level alienate his family as well as those in his hometown?  His family does not have the money to send him to a college or university where he may have blossomed into something truly fabulous. At best, he can only take community college courses two hours away from where he lives in between days working part time at the same diner his mother does.  Eventually, the son completes his courses and graduates with an office certificate. However, because he has little connections with the bigger areas he ultimately still finds himself isolated in the small town he grew up in. He is grateful he managed to get a job that didn’t involve washing dishes or even a bit of cooking on the line; but his heart still feels miserable because despite his effort, he still ended up in perceived bad circumstances.

For some readers, this is a potentially predictable revelation or point that they might think and comment later that, “I saw this point coming a mile away. I may not need to read through all of this because I may already have the author’s general idea down or understood.”  I don’t mind if you feel or think that way; this piece of writing continues on with or without you.   


Meanwhile as for the affluent lawyer, he grew up middle class in an area with about thirty-five thousand people living in it. It’s not the big city, but the affluent lawyer grows up to be fairly well-adjusted and even though that the kids teased him a bit in high school, he still turned out great and is now living in that bigger city living it up. He too is married and has children of his own.  While for the most part, his life is enviable by many and is generally satisfying for him the affluent lawyer has deep anxieties about the reality of his relationship with his wife. His wife is more akin to a “gold digger” than he initially thought when the two met. His two children can be trying too. His daughter he feels is “going down the wrong path” but luckily his son is more like him; however, the father is growing suspicious that his son may be unscrupulously ambitious and lacks certain values. His daughter ends up becoming a prostitute and his son found himself in corrupt business ventures and both are now in dire straits.

The flamboyant gay son of the coal miner would have benefitted far more in the urban setting of the big city than he did in his small town just as perhaps the affluent lawyer’s children may have benefitted from the slower pace of the more rural area. At this point, I ask these questions:
How much does one’s environment truly shape destiny?  At what point can we stop holding the individual accountable and look toward the environment that help create than individual as one of the primary causes to how that person evolved?

The coal miner and the events of his life could have very well have happened to the affluent lawyer – and the very same in reverse. It is not known if the affluent lawyer would have found success in the smaller areas that the coal miner grew up in just as it is equally not as known if the coal miner would have found victory in the bigger areas pertaining to the affluent lawyer. Maybe the man who would have become the affluent lawyer would have committed suicide if he was trapped in those smaller areas instead of having the necessary amount of luck, skill and social grease to succeed and transcend his past circumstances due to all the teasing and ostracism he experienced in high school. The coal miner may not have become a coal miner at all and instead enjoyed a higher quality of life or standard because he had the hypothetical access to the better schools and better opportunities in bigger areas.  I’d like to see the people who have had tons and tons of social luck and such do my challenge of “starting over” somewhere new. At least the people who have had a great deal of struggle, difficulty, and adversity are more familiar with the prospect of encountering those things I just mentioned.  I’d say the latter would be arguably more resourceful than the former.

Tuesday 27 November 2012

The Carrie Diaries : Is Hollywood Recycling Again?

Hello readers,

Today on the blog, I'm going to do something a bit different than my previous couple of entries. I am going to lighten things up a little bit by examining this tidbit of a trailer I discovered about 45 minutes ago. Now before I go into this, I'd like to inform the reader that I Orlokk Nyghtshroude, have done my homework. I know that apparently Gossip Girl ends this year, and so perhaps that is partially why The Carrie Diaries has been brought into creation. The fact that the title style of this show takes off from a certain teen vampire drama series that in its beginnings was eerily similar to Stephenie Meyer's work is astounding (at least in my opinion) only tries to capitalize more.

The main premise of this new show seems to be " The Misadventures of Young Carrie Bradshaw". For those readers who happen not to know who that is - it's Sarah Jessica Parker's arguable best role of her career featured on HBO's Sex and the City. My spidey-senses are tingling; and they are telling me that this may be a complete flop a la Joey, that short series that  Matt LeBlanc starred in which he played the same character he did in Friends. I feel like this could very similar. I'm aware it's Carrie Bradshaw in her younger days, and I'm fairly certain the writers will attempt to include allusions to future exploits and characters found in HBO's original show (or at least they definitely should) but I'm feeling like without Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha, this show just won't have the same va-voom!

To compare and contrast, I'd like to bring up Joss Whedon's Angel. This show, was a spin-off, but it worked based around the fact that in my opinion - more people enjoy what I call "supernatural beat 'em up adventure shows" than something too similar to its predecessors ( The Carrie Diaries and Gossip Girl). Angel also is a different genre; however despite being apples and oranges, Angel worked or had at least the potential to do so more than The Carrie Diaries has because if it's one thing about those supernatural beat 'em up adventure shows, it's that you can give the writers nigh-unlimited control on what you choose to bring in for antagonists or main plots for each story. It's freeing when you can conjure up unholy abominations and their legions of demonic armies like you got that shit on tap. Not so easy in a show like The Carrie Diaries. You have to keep it real, literally.

Anyways, here comes the trailer in case anyone wants to watch it themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBctXyhhRq8


I leave the reader with Popol Vuh's BrĂ¼der des Schattens. While the film it comes from is a remake, and speaks to my post's title about "Hollywood recycling", it's a great tune and in my opinion the movie is decent too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiEwnhVwzy0


Monday 26 November 2012

Power Limits? How Great Are We?

I have always considered myself to be "elite" despite not having the blue blood to back it up. I've always considered my intellect and even in some cases, my pretentious viewpoints to be the rocket fuel required to send me to unprecedented highs in life. I've always wanted to live that big city, decadent life popularized by many celebrities and other elites in the media. It is somewhat shallow in some ways, but I've always thought I'd look the greatest under the limelight. I feel as so many young people do that I have what it takes to be worth 50 bazillion dollars and could deal with the constant paparazzi or similar.

However, while I do not believe anyone has ever truly cornered me with the following objection of, "Well, if you're so great and special, why can't you make the smallish town or area you currently live in sing your praises? Surely, if you lack even that you will undoubtedly fail in a bigger area like Vancouver, BC." I would still like to answer it.

To be honest, I have long-pondered this question, and it is today that I choose to put out what I deem to be a suitable counter.

While I am admittedly different than most of my contemporary peers, especially where I currently live and that I even in some cases have gone out of my way in the past to maintain this "difference" there is more than one hand on the table here. One person, as long as they were reasonably intelligent and self-aware can only in my opinion shoot themselves in the foot to a certain degree before the judgement and decision of others come into play to finalize it or the person doing whatever it was as a failure, imbecile or overall moron. For as much as one can drag themselves through hell or habitually fuck themselves up, there's still always the final say by any bystanders to make something ultimately a "success" or a "failure".

Remember in grade school where there always was one or two kids in typical, albeit very stereotypical instances that were almost always almost picked last?  That's because those kids, assuming they continued to experience that for the rest of their lives have been unfortunate victims of brutal tribal instincts that were perfected tens of thousands of years ago by the human race to make sure the race as a whole survived, and survived strong. Is it any wonder why there's so much teen suicide or why partially some kids decide the best way to "get even" with their bullies is to put 3 rounds into every single one of them? You have to fix the environments and the social systems in place if you want to see real, lasting difference being achieved. We aren't living in caves anymore for fuck's sakes, why the adherence to that "old system"?  Why don't we evolve as a species? Surely, at least anyone in the first world that can afford something to read these words on can recognize the fallacy of living by those old tribal rules?  I may not have been an anthropology major, but when I look at school shootings and the rise of teen suicides in the past 25 years I'm seeing kids that may have had screws loose and low-tolerance for some of the more *harsher* parts of life - but it was their environments that helped create them into the people that they were.

Back to me - I believe my power is unlimited. Especially since I have managed to overcome or if nothing else, begin to overcome some of my challenges and situations that I was dealt or that I created for myself. However, at what point can we as a society just be blunt and admit that "power" when it comes to social hierarchies, comes down to endorsement?  I could be the most powerful being in the universe (I'm not, but that's besides the point), hell even the Son of God; however if the people want to crucify me, the mob rules. Then again, if I truly was the son of a deity, I'd surely hope I'd have some spiffy powers that I could use to level the playing field. I'd rather be an Achilles or a Gilgamesh over a Jesus or Buddha. If it's one thing I really admire about Pagan myths is that the heroes of the stories sure as sugar weren't afraid to get ugly. This next point is only vaguely related, but there's an image meme out there in Internet Land with some Norse god talking about how "Jesus promised the end of all wicked people and Odin promised the end of all Ice Giants;  I don't see many Ice Giants around."  This in a way proves my point because while gruesome, the old Pagan gods whooped a lot of ass. Furthermore, I remembered that in my Greek and Roman religion class, that at least when it came to the Hellenic pantheon if you honoured a deity or paid any kind of tribute to them, they were likely to smile upon you favourably.  Compare that, and I apologize for offending any Christian readers that may follow my blog - compare the old Pagan deities with the Christian god. Especially Old Testament Yeshua/YHWH. Never have I read about a being so petty, vindictive, and contradictory; I mean, he expects his creations to not kill, steal, etc but can't be arsed to practice what he preaches! At least with the Pagan gods, you typically knew where you stood. I mean, the Hellenic gods could be extremely cruel, but there was a certain accepted dualism to them that isn't quite clearly expressed in the Bible with the claim of an "all-good god." If anything, God and the Devil are the same being if you were to honestly draw parallels between the Christian/Judaic faith and the old Hellenic gods and goddesses. I mean, it makes sense.

I will leave the reader with a disconcerting statement, followed with a ray of hope. What if, an outcast develops supernatural powers, or enough to level the playing field? What if that person who was always picked last in life woke up tomorrow morning with the ability to throw fire balls? What would the "winners" of society, especially some of those who kicked that dead last person when they were down frequently were faced with the living flamethrower? Sure, ultimately, the person at fault here is the person who can throw fire balls that holds many grudges and pains in their heart; however, what of the bullies? What of that archaic tribal instinct? The herd mentality? While I don't condone violence, I can't find it in me to feel sorry for those who can't throw fire balls back. Evolution decided to pick that one dead last, "loser" and decided to give her or him the ability and for the sake of argument, everyone else in the world lost out on that opportunity. Natural selection would be at work, in my opinion.

So what are power limits? How great are we? The secret currently seems to be born with a certain "spark" that would brighten and grow over time in choice controlled environments. If you don't have that "spark" or worse, just happen to have a different one that for some reason your contemporaries give you a hard time for  you are SOL. To be honest, I don't want to be popular anymore. There was a time when being the "social king" turned my crank, but that's quickly drying up.

Here's that ray of hope - why don't we fix ourselves? Life could be a lot more fair, but it would require effort on everyone's part.




Sunday 25 November 2012

Coke and Cheesecake: Musings about the Year.

The can is full and the plate is covered.

While certainly not the end of the year, I feel like November can be just as great for reflection as December 31st. This year has been very informative; and many lessons have been learned. As all but the dragon's tail has passed us now, the year's almost up. Apparently, we're going to get very serpentine next year according to Chinese Zodiac traditions. Luckily, even if I'm not slippery or scaly enough I can devour next year like a mongoose.

I'm thinking about going back to school in the new year; though I'm still not sure on whether or not an Associate's Degree or a Fine Arts Diploma is going to be the best of ideas for me. I just figure that maybe a formal credential will impress future clients more and gain more of their confidence. Also, my skills would be improved by studying writing; which would mean both my confidence and my craft would benefit.

I really believe I have come up personally as well - while still not living in the big city yet, I have managed to overcome a few personal hurdles in my life. As I now believe one's life is a work of art in how usually only after many years have passed can it be considered "complete", I am proud of my inner personal success despite a lack of external fortune.

The can is now empty and the plate is bare.


Friday 16 November 2012

Self-Esteem : Fuck Yeah!

Tonight's blog post reflects myself as I have become over the past few weeks. Part of the reason why I have been away from the blog for about a month is because I've been busy trying to transform myself. I've used a combination of text-to-speech hypnosis software and binaural beats in attempt to change my mind. Literally.

So far, I've received decent results and I intend to continue my process. It's basically self-brainwashing. I mean, if the Illuminati and advertising execs do it every day, why can't I? It's always been a curiosity of mine to fill my mind with either positive things or things I wanted which would make them considered positive in my mind because if I legitimately want them to happen, they must be positive; because hey, I'm not one of those people with Body Integrity Identity Disorder where I want to lop off my limbs because they "aren't right".  I might be crazy, but fuck sakes I'm not THAT whacked.  Anyways, the changes I'm trying to implement include not giving a flying fuck about what people say. That's plagued me for a while, especially when it came to being myself. I grew up in a fairly stifling environment; this includes my home. I won't bleed into the deets, but I've had a rough ride. More so than I believe the average bear, but I'm learning not to rend and shred the flesh of those who criticize me . . . as much.  : P


All jokes aside, I'm learning to roll with things. I'm learning to get loose with it. Maybe now I have a greater chance of achieving my goals of moving to some place bigger and being part of the goth and fetish scenes because I give less of a shit. And because I'm feeling good and self-esteemy, if you fucking hate me, wanna unsubscribe from being Facebook friends or stop reading my blog, go ahead. As Lestat would say in the movie Interview With a Vampire, "Your conscience is clear."   Do what thou wilt.


I've got the self-esteem now to carry on. With or without you.

P.S. Hi Korea, and any international viewer. I didn't intend for you to read my work, but to all my international readers, this is me acknowledging you. Please don't Nigerian scam me. kthanxbye.